“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me”.
The other day I had (what I would consider nothing short of hilarious) conversation about why I want to keep myself until marriage. I thought I’d share some my thoughts with you!
My Thoughts on Abstinence
- It’s not by circumstance it’s based on choice: I made the decision to practice abstinence when I was 12. I want to wait till marriage and to make sure it was MY decision to be with the person I choose to be with. I didn’t want to give my body to just anyone.
- I won’t trade my honor: I’ll talk about that later, that’s entire post by it’s self!
- Freedom of Expression: I want the expression of my love to be tied to my physical expression. Let’s face it, I’m not a man. I don’t need sex or need to “release” like I need to pee! Dude needs to know “If you’re getting this…that’s because I like you…and probably married to you”. I don’t want to be anymore attached to someone it may not work out with then I need to.
- Mornings after Suck. No explanation there.
- I’m a REBEL: I’m going to ride against the tide on this one. It’s ironic that instead of being commended for my moral standard, I’ve had people label me. Granted, there are some people who…well don’t have a choice BUT to practice abstinence (*snaps* OK*). I don’t hate men, I think men are wonderful. They’re a gift from God even! I’m not feminist. I just believe what I believe.
- Thinking Straight: I feel as though I have a clear mind when I’m dealing with men. I can sniff out the undesirables from afar and see them for who they really are. Sex, I believe confuses things. You know dude it trifling’ but he’s sexy, so you’re just going sleep with him even though you KNOW the relationship is not going anywhere. That alone is a good enough reason for me to pass.
- Ok, so I want to boast…just a little: I want to be able to say to my future husband “He’s the only one who’s getting it” and mean it. I also don’t want to have to compare “how good he is” to someone else. I got married friends…we talk honey! LOL
- Being an Example: Whether we like it or not, people are watching what I do, how I approach situations and if the outcome is a successful mission. I don’t know too many people who’s doing what I’m doing but I can’t look what other people are doing I have focus on my mission. Thanks for listening!-Tasha
1. The issue of the appetite
For whatever reason, people lose their minds when they realized they might need to zip up their pants and pull down their skirts in order if they want to walk this walk for real! The word abstinence means: The fact or practice of restraining oneself from indulging in something. Sex is directly connected to your appetite. It’s YOUR human need and desire for sensual gratification (look at me sounding smart LOL). Matthew 15: 11 & 7: 15 clearly stresses that “It’s not what goes into a man but it what’s comes out of man the defiles him”. In order for something to come out of me, it has already taken root in me! It’s a know fact that sugar is poison to the human body. According to globalhealingcenter.com “refined sugar as a poison because it has been depleted of its life forces, vitamins and minerals.” Sugar in its natural state has some of the nutritional values that we need to create balance in our bodies; but once it’s take out its natural state, it can defile our bodies. Sugar it’s self is not bad but once its taken out of its natural state and has been mixed with all sorts of article ingredients it can become harmful. This is a basic analogy of sex. I don’t want something that could potentially become harmful for me because I’m operating outside the realm of covenant. It’s an issue of appetite. It’s about controlling your appetite and asking God to help you with is naturally already in you! Here’s the definition of appetite: a natural, strong desire to satisfy a bodily need. The appetite. Sex is not exempt from that definition. Appetite and abstinence are frenemies. They’re not hanging out and kicking it unless appetite knows abstinence is in control.
2. The issue of the soul
Your soul affects your mind, emotions and will. But at your core you are spirit, your body is just a container for who you really are. Is it possible that how you treat your body could affect your spirit? Is it possible that if your spirit is broken, it can begin to manifests itself in how you take care of your body? Why would I allow anyone to come directly affect my soul by sleeping with them? Have you ever been with somebody that you lost sleep over? Couldn’t stop thinking about? Wondering who they were with, what they were doing, were they going to call you back when they said they were? It’s great example of your soul being meddled with. You have to protect your soul. The devil is enemy of your soul. Whatever he can do to permanently damage you, he knows he needs to hit you at your core. Sex is a one way easy ticket to your spirit man. “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.”-Proverbs 4:23. Another translation says “issues of life”. If your soul is sick, your heart is damaged. Take care of your soul, as much as you take care of your body
Quick Recap: I won’t let my appetite control me(ask my personal trainer!) or allow my soul be damaged. Time and season is important. Sex itself is not bad, I repeat, It’s not bad. It’s the timing. Don’t play jeopardy with your life! “I’ll take sex in marriage for 2000 Alex!”
Well, it’s not the ugliest word but unforgiveness itself is ugly. At one point, I accepted unforgiveness as something “I just can’t seem to get rid of…of well”. Just as I became comfortable with idea, earlier this year I attended a Sunday night service where lo and behold, guess what my pastor was talking about? “Forgiveness” He ended the sermon with an altar call for those of us who struggled with forgiveness. Needless to say…I struggled with going to the altar. Before I knew it, I found my way to the altar because I remembered that I can’t forgive in my own strength. If I depended on my natural understanding and mental strength, it wouldn’t get done. He later challenged us and said very boldly “You can be the best Christian in the world but I’m sorry to tell you, your unforgiveness will send you to hell”. My response *Blank Stare* and an entire 4 months of replaying that statement over and over again in my head. How can something that seemed so “little” such a forgiveness send me to hell? I’m not going to lie, I was pretty livid.I later reasoned within myself “I’ve forgiven. I’m good. People are wack anyway”(an indication that I haven’t forgiven LOL). But last night I read Matthew 18 and yet again my state of unforgiveness was challenged. As I browsed my iPhone for different translations of Matthew 18, this teaching by Joyce Meyer “Do yourself a favor…forgive” popped up:
The Poison of Unforgiveness by Joyce Meyer
Many people ruin their health and their lives by taking the poison of bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. Matthew 18:23-35 tells us that if we do not forgive people, we get turned over to the torturers. If you have a problem in this area or have ever had one, I’m sure you bear witness with what I’m saying. It’s torture to have hateful thoughts toward another person rolling around inside your head.
Helping Yourself and Others
Who are you helping most when you forgive the person who hurt you? Actually, you’re helping yourself more than the other person. I always looked at forgiving people who hurt me as being really hard. I thought it seemed so unfair for them to receive forgiveness when I had gotten hurt. I got pain, and they got freedom without having to pay for the pain they caused. Now I realize that I’m helping myself when I choose to forgive.
I’m also helping the other person by releasing them so God can do what only He can do. If I’m in the way—trying to get revenge or take care of the situation myself instead of trusting and obeying God—He has no obligation to deal with that person. However, God will deal with those who hurt us if we’ll put them in His hands through forgiveness. The act of forgiving is our seed of obedience to His Word. Once we’ve sown our seed, He is faithful to bring a harvest of blessing to us one way or another.
Another way that forgiveness helps me is that it releases God to do His work in me. I’m happier and feel better physically when I’m not filled with the poison of unforgiveness. Serious diseases can develop as a result of the stress and pressure that bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness put on a person. Mark 11:22-26 clearly teaches us that unforgiveness hinders our faith from working. The Father can’t forgive our sins if we don’t forgive other people. We reap what we sow. Sow mercy, and you’ll reap mercy; sow judgment, and you’ll reap judgment. So do yourself a favor—and forgive.
There are still more benefits of forgiveness. Your fellowship with God flows freely when you’re willing to forgive, but it gets blocked by unforgiveness. Forgiveness also keeps Satan from getting an advantage over us (see 2 Corinthians 2:10-11). Ephesians 4:26-27 tells us not to let the sun go down on our anger or give the devil any such foothold or opportunity. Remember that the devil must have a foothold before he can get a stronghold. Do not help Satan torture you. Be quick to forgive.
I also think it’s hard to hate one person but love another. It’s hard to treat anybody right when our heart isn’t right. Even people you want to love may be suffering from your bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness.
How to Forgive
Would you like to become more successful at forgiving others? There are practical steps that must be taken. One time I asked the Lord why so many people want to forgive but aren’t successful doing it. And He said, “Because they aren’t obeying what I tell them to do in My Word.” As I searched the Word, I found the following instructions:
1. Decide – You will never forgive if you wait until you feel like it. Choose to obey God and steadfastly resist the devil in his attempts to poison you with bitter thoughts. Make a quality decision to forgive, and God will heal your wounded emotions in due time (see Matthew 6:12-14).
2. Depend – You cannot forgive without the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s too hard to do on your own. If you are truly willing, God will enable you, but you must humble yourself and cry out to Him for help. In John 20:22-23 Jesus breathed on the disciples and said, “Receive the Holy Spirit!” His next instruction was about forgiving people. Ask God to breathe the Holy Spirit on you so you can forgive those who’ve hurt you.
3. Obey – The Word tells us several things we’re to do concerning forgiving our enemies:
a. Pray for your enemies and those who abuse and misuse you. Pray for their happiness and welfare (see Luke 6:27-28). As you pray, God can give them revelation that will bring them out of deception. They may not even be aware they hurt you, or maybe they’re aware but are so self-centered that they don’t care. Either way, they need revelation.
b. …Bless and do not curse them (Romans 12:14). In the Greek to bless means “to speak well of” and to curse means “to speak evil of.” You can’t walk in forgiveness and be a gossip. You must stop repeating the offense. You can’t get over it if you continue to talk about it. Proverbs 17:9 says that he who covers an offense seeks love.
Who Should Forgive?
Forgive the person who badly hurt you long ago and also the stranger who stepped on your toe in the grocery store. Take those two extremes and forgive them in addition to everyone in between. Forgive quickly. The quicker you do it, the easier it is. Forgive freely. Matthew 10:8 says, …Freely you have received, freely give. Forgive means “to excuse a fault, absolve from payment, pardon, send away, cancel, and bestow favor unconditionally.”
When you forgive, you must cancel the debt. Do not spend your life paying and collecting debts. Hebrews 10:30 says that vengeance belongs to the Lord; He’ll repay and settle the cases of His people. Let God pay you for past injustices. Do not try to collect from the people who hurt you, because the people who hurt you can’t pay you.
Also, forgive yourself for past sins and hurts you have caused others. You can’t pay people back, so ask God to.
Forgive God if you are angry with Him because your life didn’t turn out the way you thought it should. God is always just. There may be things you don’t understand, but God loves you, and people make a serious mistake when they don’t receive help from the only One who can truly help them.
You may even need to forgive a situation or an object—the post office, bank, a certain store that may have cheated you, a car that always gave you trouble, etc. Get rid of all poison that comes from bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. And remember Proverbs 4:23: Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance…for out of it flow the springs of life.
Unforgiveness is spiritual filthiness, so get washed in the water of God’s Word to forgive and stay clean.
The reason why Jesus is not a fan of unforgiveness is because if anyone had a reason to be mad and unforgiving, it was Jesus. I use to complain to God :
Me: God, I’ve been lied on.
God: Me, too.
Me: I’ve been left to die.
God: Me, too.
Me: People have hurt me too bad.
God: Me, too.
That argument wasn’t going anywhere. If “Christ who was without sin, but for our sake God made him share our sin in order that in union with him we might share the righteousness of God(2 Corinthians 5:21) was able to forgive even the things I considered “unforgiveable”, I have no excuse!
So I’ve decided to listen to what the Holy Spirit has challenged me to do: Decide, Depend & Obey. Like medicine, it doesn’t taste good but forgiveness is good for you. I will no longer allow the enemy to use unforgiveness as solid piece of evidence against me. Remember the later part of Matthew 18, holding back forgiveness allows you to be handed over to tortures. Christ was already tortured, there’s no need for you and I go through it again.
Please visit www.joycemeyer.org
Hey dolls! I ran across this article by Lakita Garth-Wright in Charisma Magazine. Read the article below and my thoughts underneath
This one chick raised her hand and said, “Um, it’s like, um, really, like you know what I’m sayin’….it’s like a growth that like grows in the back of your neck.”
And I said, “No, honey, that’s an abscess….okay.”
Then I got in my car and rolled across to the south side of L.A. to a high school in Compton. As you probably guessed, they don’t spend no cheese to send their kids to that broke-down, tore-up school.
So I asked the assembly at Compton, “Can anyone tell me what abstinence is?
Sista girl raised her hand and said, “Yo, um, it’s like this. You know what I’m saying? It’s like Mookey and Yoyo told me that Yashika and Camoochi said it was like a bird.” And I said, “No, honey, that’s an albatross…okay.” People have some crazy definitions for abstinence. But abstinence is not a growth and it is not a bird: It is saving sex until marriage.
It means waiting until you say “I do”—which means I do you, you do me and we don’t do nobody else. Abstinence: Waiting until you say “I do”—which means I do you, you do me and we don’t do nobody else. Mom wasn’t afraid to talk about abstinence. She was very clear: “You have sex and I will kill you.”
When I thought of premarital sex, pregnancy and disease were not the first things that came to mind. I feared a major time-out: I might not come back out of consciousness after my mom found out. But the ultimate time-out would be the disappointment I would feel from my mom because she gave me her best and I didn’t give it back.
Many people believe abstinence is completely unrealistic—and it is if someone shakes their finger at you, tells you not to do it and then doesn’t show you how to live it. My mom demonstrated for us as a single parent what it was to abstain from sex. She didn’t have a string of boyfriends sleeping over or living with us. And she didn’t just advocate sexual abstinence—she promoted a lifestyle of abstinence from all risky behaviors including drugs, alcohol and violence.
She knew that if you’re not modeling what you’re teaching, and then you’re teaching something else. If you’re not modeling what you’re teaching, then you’re teaching something else. Teaching abstinence isn’t shaking your finger and telling someone to “just say no.”
Teaching abstinence is mastery and demonstration of the arts of self-control, self- discipline and delayed gratification. Many adults are busy telling young people don’t do this or don’t do that, which only helps them focus on what not to do. Not doing those things becomes its own end. But my parents communicated to us that the things we were to abstain from—including smoking, drinking and promiscuity—were a means to an end. The end was a better life, and those things were obstacles that would get in the way.
I agree with Lakita Garth-Wright view on abstinence. Now, I must say I’m not very candid or casual on conversations on sex. I feel as though since we’re so bombard with images on a daily basis from advertisement, movies, blogs and music…I opt to not indulgence in that type of conversation. I’m a single girl, attractive, don’t forget holy ghost filled *snaps* and I can not tell you how many times after bible study, I’m pulled to the side and asked “Hey, sister! You’re not…not…doing IT…are you?” My response “I am doing it…always. At my house. In the shower. At my desk. In my car….we are talking about prayer right?” I’ve chosen the lifestyle of abstinence for a few reasons:
1. I wanted it to be MY choice in whom I choose give myself to (that sounded bible-ish lol)
2. I’m trying to get to heaven and in the meantime fulfill all righteous
3. Not interested in soul-ties
4. One time I was told “Child, if you turn it on, it’s hard to turn it off!”
5. The Bible say’s don’t awaken love before it’s time, how much more lust?
What are your thoughts on abstinence?